Encyclopedia

I hope the concept of the "Encyclopedia of Me" doesn't seem arrogant to readers.  It's the exercise my friend is using for class this week to get members minds' jogging and to engender topics for blogging/ other reflective writing.  Figured since I was going to write one, I'd put mine here.  The idea (which actually came from my good friend C, who uses it in her Creative Writing class at school) is to write a mini- encyclopedia of yourself... You can skip or include whichever letters you wish and can write as much as you want for each entry. 

A: Anxiety
No surprise, eh?  But the funny thing about it is the range of topics-- from what will happen to my family members in the future to how I'll react if I can't find the mate for one of Mabel's shoes.  The woman who originally spearheaded this Encyclopedia of Me thing wrote of her anxiety about vending machines-- how when she is making her choice she has to say "C-4" aloud and be extra careful in pushing the buttons so she doesn't end up with Bugles when she wanted Reese's (or something like that).  I laughed aloud because I am the same way.  Anxiety is constant-- from the picayune to the grand.  I am not going to provide commentary about it or judge it or apologize for it today.  I am just going to list it.

B: Beats
I don't have many talents and if you've come to read this blog at all regularly I hope I have made it clear I am not a conceited person.  BUT I do have one ability about which I must boast: I have what some have called an uncanny skill in identifying songs right away-- by their first few notes or beats.   I would love to be on Name That Tune.  Songs can range in genre and period, with my Achilles Heel being country music since I am not a fan.  I have played coworkers and my husband in this game and I can't be "beat." :)

C: Catcher
I am lucky to get to teach American Lit because the curriculum houses two of my favorite books, and one of them is The Catcher in the Rye.  I never get sick of it, even after 12 years of teaching it. Holden is so lovable and deranged and normal and pitiable and off- putting and sweet and judgmental and vulnerable all at the same time.  He is a kid.  He is all of us.  Beautiful passages abound in that novel-- my favorite being the one about when it rains on Allie's (Holden's kid brother's) grave:

 When the weather's nice, my parents go out quite frequently and stick a bunch of flowers on old Allie's grave. I went with them a couple of times, but I cut it out. In the first place, I don't enjoy seeing him in that crazy cemetery. Surrounded by dead guys and tombstones and all. It wasn't too bad when the sun was out, but twice - twice - we were there when it started to rain. It was awful. It rained on his lousy tombstone, and it rained on the grass on his stomach. It rained all over the place. All the visitors that were visiting the cemetery started running like hell over to their cars. That's what nearly drove me crazy. All the visitors could get in their cars and turn on their radios and all and then go someplace nice for dinner - everybody except Allie. I couldn't stand it. I know it's only his body and all that's in the cemetery, and his soul's in Heaven and all that crap, but I couldn't stand it anyway. I just wished he wasn't there (ch. 20). 

D: Dogs
I am a dog- lover through and through.  I have many friends who own and love cats, and I understand the person- to- pet bond so I can't judge, but I am afraid of cats and don't find them warm or welcoming.  I don't understand them and their eyes and sprightliness scare the bejeezus out of me.  I mention cats for the contrast.  Dogs are consistently sweet, and with the exception of a few aggressive breeds and other dogs that have been mistreated, you never have to fear dogs pouncing on you and scratching your eyes out, as you do with cats.  My parents' dog Cam is perhaps the most loyal, kind- hearted animal I have ever been around in my life.  When I was going through a difficult time and living with them, his daily greetings and snuggles kept me sane.  They truly did.  He's now 7.5 and is still the same loving, cuddly big boy.  J and I would like to get a dog, but we will settle on cleaning up only human poop and pee for now.  A toddler is actually quite like a dog, but more on that some other time.  By the way, Holden, in the above entry, is a dog, metaphorically speaking, and so is Gatsby, whom I will get to later.  But pet/ person analogies are a topic for another day.  Let's just say calling them dogs is a good thing in this context.

F: Friends
Friends, the common noun, are a huge part of my life and I could write a separate blog about each one, thanking them for their awesomeness because I am lucky to have some amazing friends.  The word "amazing" gets overused ("Those shoes look amazing!"  -- Really, those high- heels have captivated you in a way that, say, a UFO might?)  But my friends DO amaze me with how loyal, caring, and unwaveringly supportive they are.   This entry, however, is about the proper noun-- the TV show "Friends,"  which I will argue on paper or orally is the best sit- com of my lifetime so far.  I was overjoyed when a student two years ago shared my affinity, as he would have been a toddler when the show started, but he knew and loved the series with the same force I did.  More than once I let the class get off track for a few minutes while Dan and I discussed episodes and repeated their best lines.  In some of my most anxious hours and on dour days, I feel relief when I find a Friends rerun on TBS because I know I can relax a bit.  It's still funny, even though I've probably seen each episode at least 4 or 5 times.  I will recommend some favorites here: Rachel's Trifle Dessert/ The Game Show to Win the Apartment/ Phoebe Hates Pottery Barn/ The One Where No One's Ready/ Ross's Tan/ Ross's Teeth/ Monica's Boots/ The 30th Birthdays/ Joey Goes on The Pyramid Show/ and... my all- time favorite--- Phoebe's VERY Happy Boyfriend (Alec Baldwin).  I love some newer comedies, such as The Big Bang Theory and Modern Family, but I have not stayed as devoted to those as I was with Friends.  The writing, the casting, the New York backdrop-- it all worked divinely.

G: Glasses
I remember a mean girl in junior high squinting at me in class and spitting these words: "Are you EVER not squinting?"  She added a "haha" and something to soften the blow like, "It's just too funny!  You are always doing that!"  But her couching the biting observation with a bit of humor didn't work.  It stung.  I can still picture the room where we were sitting when she said it, about 22 years ago.  I have always been a squinter, but I suppose back then I hoped nobody noticed much.  Not sure if I failed the school eye exam or my parents had an inkling I had poor vision, but they had me at the eye doc and in a pair of Wonder Woman brand maroon glasses (I picked them out) by the age of 7.  I had a complex about being a four- eyes at that age because none of the other kids in Mrs. Carr's class had glasses.  So, I would put them on for whatever chalkboard lesson we were doing, and immediately whip them off when they were no longer necessary.  I think rather unwittingly, that routine carried on through high school. As a result, I probably squinted a lot (and do now too).  God forbid back in high school I wear those suckers in the corridors.  It was bad enough I had to do so to drive and read anything more than about 5 feet away;  I wasn't about to subject myself to social cruelty.  (It's one of those things that was mostly in my head because by the time high school rolls around, people seem to be over the concept of glasses.  In some circles, they are even cool.)  But I would wear them sparingly, and I know I missed saying hello to friendly passersby as a consequence.  A guy friend asked me once, "Are you just really in the zone in the hallways?  'Cause you look miserable and never say hi."  I had to admit to vanity and that I didn't say hello because I physically did not see him. 

When you're someone who takes glasses off and puts them on erratically and often, you are bound to lose them.  I am totally over any sort of glasses stigma of course as an adult, but I now don't want them on my face if I am reading close- up because I am only near- sighted and it's easier to read close things without them.  I also hate the sensation of them sitting on my nose when I am eating.  I know it's weird, but I can't stand it.  As you can imagine, I have lost more than one pair (and my prescription is expeeeeensive, with an astigmatism and all sorts of other crap going on in my eyes).  My coworker gave me one of those librarian chains to wear-- which I loved and did not care a hoot about the old- lady label I'd gain-- but I ended up losing that thing too.  I'm fairly organized, but I have lost way too many pairs of glasses and sunglasses (and also a few keys but that's a different topic) than I should have at this juncture.  My mom jokes that at least twice a week, someone must be subjected-- whether it's J, my parents, a friend, a coworker-- to the tune of, "Has anyone seen my glasses?"  I don't know the cure for my problem.  I'm not wearing them now and would like to add I have no idea where they lie. 

To Be Continued...